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July Theme: Snappy Dialogue

July Already. This month's theme is all about dialogue. Thank *Tazi-san for the suggestion. As always we will skim over the subject. If you need more info, look it up. You can even show us what you learned.

Week 1: Dialogue in Character
Week 2: Word Usage
Week 3: Concise Dialogue
Week 4: Featured Author

Concise Dialogue


From what I have learned, dialogue is meant to be written as tightly as possible without moving too quickly. This is a delicate balance to achieve. The first way to tighten up your dialogue is to remove unnecessary words. We talked briefly about it last week.

Words like "much," "just," "then," "only," "very," etc. can most times be removed from dialogue. They are extra words that clutter up your stories and add to word count. For instance,

“I just need to do this,” she said.

Can be better written:

“I need to do this,” she said.

The meaning of the dialogue is not lost but the sentence is more concise. In my opinion, the second sentence gives more urgency. There are times when the extra word is absolutely necessary. Knowing when the extra word is needed and when it is not is a skill that comes with practice, revision, and critique.

Recently, I have also learned that you can also remove certain descriptions from dialogue to make it flow better. For instance,

“Are you coming?” Paul asked.

Peter nodded.

“Then let's go!” Paul said.

This dialogue may be better written as,

“Are you coming?” Paul said. "Then let's go."

Again, sometimes it’s necessary for the audience to see that Peter nodded, other times it isn’t. The rule of thumb is, if it is not absolutely necessary to the story as a whole, take it out. This is especially helpful if you are trying to cut down the length of a story.


-~Michelay

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About Us Rules Commenting Guidelines How to Become a Member/Submission Guidelines FAQs Tip Index




July Theme: Snappy Dialogue

July Already. This month's theme is all about dialogue. Thank *Tazi-san for the suggestion. As always we will skim over the subject. If you need more info, look it up. You can even show us what you learned.

Week 1: Dialogue in Character
Week 2: Word Usage
Week 3: Concise Dialogue
Week 4: Featured Author

Word Usage

Like art, the point of writing is imitating life. The key word is "imitating." In real life people speak with lots of interjections and extra words: oh, ah, uh, aw, um, yes, no, well, just, yeah, nope, and other words riddle a real person's speech. In writing, the addition of these words in dialogue gets annoying.

For example:

"Didn't you realize what you were doing was wrong?" Pete's mother asked.

"Well, I guess, sort of. But I just wanted to see what would happen if I pulled his tail," Pete said.

His mother put a hand on her head. “Oh, Peter, you have to think before you just go and do these things.”

"Well, he shouldn't have such a big dog anyways," Pete said, folding his hands. "It's not my fault the dog jumped through the window."

***

In real life, a conversation may go this way. But the point of writing is to make dialogue as concise and easily readable as possible. Any words that do not enhance the dialogue should be cut.

Most, if not all, introductory phrases can be taken out. Unnecessary adverbs should be cut. Noises should be cut. That means words like, "well, yes, no, oh, ow, ugh, hmph, just, very, I mean," and others like them.

If your character does "hmph," it shouldn't be in dialogue. You should show the character grunting in description. The disgust portrayed by "ugh" should be shown by the character's rolling eyes or up turned nose. Most times, these words are just an easy substitute for a more difficult description. But easy writing doesn't necessarily mean easy reading.

That brings up the question about questions. If you should cut words like "yes" and "no," how will your character answer a question? When writing, the "yes" and "no" are often implied by the answer. Take a look at the revised dialogue below.

"Didn't you realize what you were doing was wrong?" Pete's mother asked.

Pete shrugged. "I wanted to see what would happen if I pulled his tail."

His mother put a hand on her head. "Peter, you have to think before you do these things."

"He shouldn't have such a big dog anyways," Pete said, folding his hands. "It's not my fault the dog jumped through the window."

***

Do you see how Pete's mother's question is answered by Pete's response without the use of "yes" or "no"? Do you see how much easier the dialogue flows without the meaning changing?

I cannot impress revision enough. The first time you write, it's okay to have the mistakes. But revision is as much writing as the writing itself. When revising, go back and ask yourself, "is this word really necessary to the meaning?" If not toss it.

-~Michelay

Club News

Comments and suggestions are always welcome. If you don't agree with a tip or if you have something to add, feel free to comment. We're all learning here.

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Click the links below to see some interesting things going around on DA (not necessarily T Rated)

None this week. I can't find the news section in this new format. Hopefully next week.




New Members

Fa-il

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Check out:

username: fa-il

Writing Experience: "intermediate"

Writing Strengths: I have excellent grammar and spelling. I like different takes on things and am able to convey my ideas easily.

Writing Weaknesses: I get a little bit lost. I write too much, or add information that is not needed or has already been introduced. My rhymes seem a little bit forced sometimes. I start off strong, but end weakly. I am unable to ever finish a novel. (Ouch!) In the midst of writing, I can create a deep plot but it is often riddled with side-plots that have nothing to do with the writing.

Comments: I would very much like to improve on my writing.

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July Theme: Snappy Dialogue

July Already. Happy Independence, everyone.
This month's theme is all about dialogue. Thank *Tazi-san for the suggestion. As always we will skim over the subject. If you need more info, look it up. You can even show us what you learned.

Week 1: Dialogue in Character
Week 2: Word Usage
Week 3: Concise Dialogue
Week 4: Featured Author

Dialogue in Character

Sam whizzed down the sidewalk on her skateboard. She was on her way to school. What a drag. If only something more interesting happened in her life. A group of student stood in her way, but she didn't slow down. Instead she pushed her skateboard faster and plunged into the girls, making them scream and jump out of the way. Sam laughed at the chaos she had caused. Those were the same girls who were making fun of her the day before; they deserved it.

She coasted to a stop in front of her group of friends.

"Hey, Sam. Kickin' gear," Brad said.

"Would you believe my mom got it for me?" Sam said. "Said she wanted to start 'supporting my interests.' "

The bell rang and all the students started walking inside.

Sam sneered. "Warning bell. We should depart."

"Why don't we skip instead?" Kat asked. "Better than sitting through homeroom."

Sam felt her stomach drop. She wanted something interesting to happen, but she had never skipped school before. She didn't want to look like a coward. "I don't know, guys. That would be erronious. We should just go to class and educate ourselves."

Brad rolled his eyes. "Sam, I thought you were cooler than that." He and the rest of his group started skating off.

Sam bit her bottom lip and looked at the school. Then she skated off after them.

***

There are at least two times that Sam's dialgue went out of character. Can you find them? Go ahead and read it through again and see if you can find them. Then continue reading.

Dialogue is where your character's voice can really come through. Though (if you use 3rd Limited POV) some of the character's personality can show through the narration, dialogue is where you can show who your character really is. In narration, you should use proper grammar; in dialogue you can better get away with improper grammar and slang words. Therefore, whatever the character says needs to be consistent with who the character is.

Back to Sam. She is portrayed as a regular skater girl with average intellegence. She starts out speaking like a normal teenager. But then she spouts words like "depart" and "erraneous." After seeing this, the reader will come to one of two positions 1. Sam is smarter than she's pretending to be or 2. (and more likely) Their suspension of belief is shattered and they'll feel that the story is badly written.

The worst thing you can do is break a reader's suspension of disbelief. Suspension of disbelief is what a reader does when he reads a story. They know the story isn't real, but they allow themselves to believe it anyway. For instance, we know that there are no magic wardrobes, but when we read The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe we are transported to a world where it can happen. Your job as a writer is to make the transition as smooth as possible and to maintain that world. When you move out of character, the suspension of disbelief is gone.

What do you do about it? Think about who your character is. Make sure you get into their head. Whenever you revise dialogue ask yourself, 'would (insert character here) say that?'

Real dialogue that stays in character are on of the most basic things that makes a story interesting. Don't neglect it.

-~Michelay

Club News

Comments and suggestions are always welcome. If you don't agree with a tip or if you have something to add, feel free to comment. We're all learning here.

Spread the word! Add the club icon to your journal so that more people will join!




Click the links below to see some interesting things going around on DA (not necessarily T Rated)

Contests Around DA

Poet's Workshop

How to Write an Editorial (rather than a rant)




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Painting-Pixels

Br0wnnie

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username: br0wnnie

Writing Experience: Intermediate

Writing Strengths: Narrative.

Writing Weaknesses: Clarifying actions and keeps a sane pace.

Comments: I love writing, but i tend to see my stories in my head as pictures rather than words and that leads to very confusing action sequences. I definitely need help with that.

W/L: (none)